The Onion: "Nation Celebrates What Is, Technically Speaking, Progress"

According to a CBS News/New York Times poll taken after the Supreme Court ruling, 34 percent of respondents said that increased rights for gay Americans couldn’t be called a non-victory; 42 percent noted that America is now a beacon of human rights, but not an extremely bright beacon, per se; and 10 percent said the ruling is a “very big deal,” if one is willing to scale back their idealism and expectations fivefold.